Parental Alienation Syndrome

Oft times in an ADULTEROUS situation-

the guilty adultering parent drums up support from the children by alienating them from the other parent-the MORAL parent. They do this by manipulating situations or giving information to their children that create false scenarios in the child's head...but don't let me tell you about this...this is documented stuff...so from another awesome website I found this...

What Causes Parental Alienation?

What causes a parent to want to damage the relationship of their own child with the other parent at their own child's expense? Intentions differ from one parent to the next, but psychologists have suggested the following as potential motivators:

• An alienating parent may have unresolved anger toward the other parent for perceived wrongs during the relationship and may be unable to separate those issues from parenting issues.
• An alienating parent may have unresolved issues from their childhood, particularly in how they related to their own parents, which he or she projects onto the other parent (whether or not it's factually accurate).
• An alienating parent may have a personality disorder, such as narcissism or paranoia, which makes him or her unable to empathize with the child's feelings or see the way their behavior is harming the child. Such personality disorders may also make the alienating parent more likely to be jealous of the other parent's adjustment to the breakup and cause the alienating parent to have extreme rage toward the other parent.
• An alienating parent may be so insecure as to his or her own parenting skills that he or she projects those concerns onto the other parent, regardless of reality.
• An alienating parent may be so wrapped up in their child's life that he or she has no separate identity and sees the child's relationship with the other parent as a threat.
• Sometimes new spouses or grandparents push the alienating parent into inappropriate behavior for their own inappropriate reasons, and the alienating parent isn't strong enough to resist them.

What causes a child to buy into the alienating parent's brainwashing?

The child may:

• Feel the need to protect a parent who's depressed, panicky or needy
• Want to avoid the anger or rejection of a dominant parent, who's also often the custodial parent
• Want to hold onto the parent the child is most afraid of losing, such as a parent who is self-absorbed or not very involved with the child.

How Does Alienation Occur?

The alienating parent may use a number of techniques, including but not limited to:

• Encouraging the child to pretend the other parent doesn't exist. This can range from not allowing the child to mention the other parent's name to refusing to acknowledge that the child has fun with the other parent.
• Leading the child to believe it's his or her choice as to whether or not to spend time with the other parent.
• Attacking the other parent's character or lifestyle, such as job, living arrangements, planned activities with the child, clothing and friends (particularly new romantic partners).
• Putting the child in the middle, by encouraging the child to spy on the other parent or take messages back and forth.
• Emphasizing the other parent's flaws, such as an occasional burst of temper or not being prepared for the child's activities. Normal parental lapses are blown out of proportion and the child is repeatedly reminded of them.
• Discussing court battles between the parents with the child and encouraging the child to take sides.
• Making the child think there's reason to be afraid of the other parent.
• Lying about how the other parent treats the child. If this is done frequently enough, the child may begin to believe even preposterous suggestions.
• Rewriting history, such as suggesting to the child that the other parent never cared for him or her, even as an infant. The child has no memory of prior events and so can't determine whether the alienating parent is telling the truth or not.

What Does An Alienated Child Look Like? A child who's been successfully alienated:

• Will bad-mouth the other parent with foul language and inaccurate descriptions of the other parent.
• Offer only weak or frivolous reasons for his or her anger toward the targeted parent.
• Professes to have only hatred toward the targeted parent, and can't say anything positive about them.
• Insists that he or she is solely responsible for the attitude toward the other parent, and that the alienating parent had nothing to do with his or her attitude.
• Supports and feels protective toward the alienating parent.
• Doesn't show any empathy or guilt regarding hurting the targeted parent's feelings.
• Doesn't want anything to do with the targeted parent's friends and family.
• May not want to see or talk to the alienated parent.

Basically...it's a BRAINWASHING technique used by the parent with the major balance of custodial time. The child has NO IDEA they are being used and manipulated for the benefit of the

SICK!

INSECURE!

ADULTERING

parent!