Any spouse involved in an extra-marital relationship will usually develop changes in their attitude, patterns and lifestyle. The following are some typical signs a husband or wife involved in adultery might show; however, understand that these signs can apply to anyone. The true sign is normally a drastic change of some form. Your suspicions would certainly be justified if you discover your spouse's actions correspond to four or more of the following signs.
- A sudden loss of interest in normal family activities. Usually the guilt associated with an affair causes a withdrawal from the family.
- A loss of interest in the family's personal friends, again caused by guilt.
- A change in religious habits and ideas. It becomes difficult for a spouse involved in an extra-marital relationship to continue normal church activities due to guilt. Usually spouses who are regular church members and become involved in an affair will begin pulling away from the church by using excuses such as finding fault with the pastor.
- A sudden weight loss with special attention being paid to physical appearance such as hair color and grooming. Drastic changes usually indicate a spouse's attempt to impress someone.
- A new interest in clothes or a style change. Again, this falls into the category of attempting to impress. Occasionally when a spouse changes their clothing style, weight and appearance, they may not be involved with any particular person, but may be looking for an involvement.
- The beginning of frequent late hours at the office. This can also be a sign of family problems that result in a spouse's desire to stay away from the home. Correcting marital problems at this point can prevent an affair.
- Going directly to the shower after arriving home late from work. A spouse who has had a sexual encounter just prior to arriving at home, usually feels not only a sense of guilt, but a need to "Destroy any Evidence" by cleaning up.
- The presence of makeup, perfume, or cologne on clothing. This seems to occur more often than not during sporadic meetings of a spouse and someone. The presence of these on clothing is indicative of unplanned and intense encounters.
- The sudden need to leave home early to go to work. Again, this can be a result of family problems and the desire to spend as little time at home as possible.
- Hang-up telephone calls. Not the infrequent mistakes everyone suffers, but calls with some regularity. Frequent hang up calls would simply seem to indicate the wrong party answered the telephone.
- A sudden urge to answer all telephone calls or nervousness and quiet conversation during the calls. This is caused by guilt and the worry of possible discovery of the affair.
- Sudden and frequent short trips to the store at night. This is indicative of the possible use of a pay telephone or a short visit to someone.
- A sudden pleasant, nice, helpful attitude, which can occur during the initial stages of the affair and takes place in order to compensate for the guilt involved. Any spouse involved in an affair is normally concerned over the possibility of detection. For some reason they seem to rationalize that if they are "perfect" at home their spouse could not possibly believe they were involved with anyone else. A simple example would be an immediate increase in the frequency of normal sexual relations. If a man, who normally has sex with his wife an average of three times a week, becomes involved in an affair it is not abnormal for him to increase that amount from three to five times a week. In his mind he believes the increase at home prevents his wife from even considering he is involved with someone else. For a short period of time everything at home is beautiful for the wife; however, the husband's lifestyle will begin to cause problems. This same husband who had a normal sexual frequency of three times a week has now increased that amount to five at home. He also may be averaging five times a week with his girlfriend. We have now gone from an average of three to a potential ten times per week. That lifestyle will not last long. Relief has got to come from somewhere. Keep in mind that at that point the five per week with the girlfriend is by choice. The five per week at home is obligation. The "Have To" at home is the relationship that will begin to suffer. A steady decrease will begin and usually it will come with his excuse that he is tired, has a headache or is sick. It may be as simple as watching television until he is sure his wife is asleep before going to bed, but whatever the reason, the frequency will decrease. As it decreases, a funny thing begins to happen. The husband's guilt begins to affect him. He knows what he is doing is not right. That guilt will cause the beginning of frequent arguments in the home. The arguments serve a twofold purpose; first, it lessens the husband's obligation of having sex with his wife and, second, it gives the husband the ability to blame the wife for his affair. As humans, we are programmed that when we do something wrong it can't be our fault. Men and women both blame each other for their "Having" to become involved in an affair. "If she treated me better, I wouldn't have to do this." Regardless of how that sounds, it is true.
- The introduction of new techniques in a couple's sexual relations. Spouses involved in an extra-marital relationship often become exposed to new sexual techniques and, on occasion, will introduce these techniques into their home life.
- A sudden inability to please the spouse. One spouse cannot do anything right in the eyes of the other. Keep in mind this serves the purpose of allowing the guilty spouse to blame the other for their relationship.
- A need to "get away for a few days." This can either occur because of guilt or because the guilty spouse wants to spend time with the person they are involved with.
- Keeping extra clothing in the car. On occasions, an involved spouse will need clean clothing to change into prior to arriving at home to avoid detection of makeup, perfume or cologne. On other occasions, they may desire to change from work attire into something more suitable prior to meeting someone.
- Sudden and unexplained trips out of town. This usually occurs when a spouse involved in an affair is limited to only short and infrequent encounters with the person they are involved with. Women especially will not stand for continued short visits for any length of time. They demand quality time to compensate for short visits that tend to make them feel used and cheap.
- Unexplained disappearance of money or use of credit cards. Men involved in a relationship tend to hide money to be used for entertaining their girlfriend. Some women will hide money in preparation for what they believe will be an upcoming divorce.
- Unexplained pressure building with a total inability to cope, usually caused by guilt. People respond differently to guilt, but normally, a person involved in an affair will display drastic changes in their character.
- The explanation "I'm confused and need some time to myself." This can simply mean, "I'm through with this marriage, but I don't know how to get out of it in the most beneficial manner."
- A sudden discussion of divorce or separation. This can indicate that a spouse involved in an affair has developed a serious emotional attachment for the person they are involved with.
- An actual separation, with the explanation "I love you, but I'm confused and need to find myself." A husband may mean, "I have someone else, our marriage is over" or "I want a divorce, but I don't want the divorce to cost me, so I'll humor you and be friends until the divorce is final." A wife may mean exactly the same, but she is mainly concerned with what she will get out of the marriage financially.
The first paragraph said if the spouse met four or more of the signs...how bout at least 16?
Found this in a Google search under "Vindictive Spouses"
No comments:
Post a Comment